google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
This house was built for laser tag.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
