Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
