you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Randomize
