I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
no, he came in my armpit
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
