Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
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I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
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