I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
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