Hey man sorry I got all grabby
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Randomize
