Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
