I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
