Where is the hickey?
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
