Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
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Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
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Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level