I like my sex mixed with concussions.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem