The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos