Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races