I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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