i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
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