I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
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