this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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