i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
The beers last night were like the tears from god
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
