I hate your face
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
