Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
