we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
