Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I feel like abortions should bother me more
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize