Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
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