Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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