You smell like stripper and shame
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
It's rum buckets o'clock
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
