Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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