she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
