i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Randomize
