I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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