Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
