I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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