i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
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