I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize