you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
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