If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
