I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
You did what with his pubic hair?
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