Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Randomize
