chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
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