U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
