Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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