Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
nutella sex= disaster
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Randomize
