a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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