Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Randomize
