If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Randomize
