why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
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We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
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I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
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