mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
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