i think my tv is drunk
I seem to have left my pride at pride
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
