Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Randomize