Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
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