Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
