Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Randomize
