I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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