Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
