I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
