I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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