Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
