I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
