she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
