Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
