Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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