I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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