Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
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