for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
