Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
