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Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
