Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
