I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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