Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Randomize
