You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
