You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
