I just made out with a guy for $7.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Randomize
