Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
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