You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
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If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
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I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
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