Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
